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COViD jokes

May 1, 2020

Received These Jokes From A Friend

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Until further notice, the days of the week are now called Thisday, Thatday, Otherday, Someday, Yesterday, Today and Nextday
Can we uninstall 2020 and reinstall it again?…
Just asked a 6-year-old if he understands why there is no school.  He said yes because they are out of toilet paper.
After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.
Where is your next travel destination?
      – Las Kitchenas
      – Los Lounges
      – Santa Bedroomes
      – Porto Gardenas
      – Los Bed
      – Costa del Balconia
      – St Bathroom
      – La Rotonda de Sofa
You’re not stuck at home, you’re safe at home. One word can change your attitude and one cough can change your life.
Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food.  We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers and we get really excited about car rides.
If you thought toilet paper was crazy … just wait until 300 million people all want a haircut appointment.
2020 is a unique Leap Year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March, and 5 years in April.
Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating.
If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidentally touch your face.
This cleaning with alcohol is total b.s. NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.
Kinda’ starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people homeschooled by day drinkers….
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture.”
My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day but look at me now! I’m saving the world!
I miss the days when we were terrified of Romaine lettuce. Ahh, the good times….
I swear my fridge just said: “what the hell do you want now?”
Whoever owes you money, go to their house now. They should be at home.
Homeschooling Day #3: they all graduated. #Done.   

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