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When insults had class ….

April 21, 2020

Received This Email From A Friend

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Some of these are old but what else are you going to do on this rainy start of your fifth week of isolation.

These glorious insults are from an era “ before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

 
Lady Astor: If you were my husband I would poison you.
Winston: If I were your husband I would drink it!
 
Lady Astor: You are drunk!
Winston: Yes and you are ugly.  But tomorrow I won’t be drunk but you will still be ugly!
 
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir, “  said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
 
“He had delusions of adequacy .”
-Walter Kerr
 
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
– Winston Churchill
 
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
-Clarence Darrow
 
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
 
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
-Moses Hadas
 
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
-Mark Twain
 
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
-Oscar Wilde
 
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”
-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
 
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”
-Winston Churchill, in response
 
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
-Stephen Bishop
 
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
-John Bright
 
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
-Irvin S. Cobb
 
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
-Samuel Johnson
 
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating
 
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
-Charles, Count Talleyrand
 
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
-Forrest Tucker
 
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
-Mark Twain
 
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
-Mae West
 
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
-Oscar Wilde
 
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
 
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
-Billy Wilder
 
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.”
Groucho Marx

From → W

2 Comments
  1. “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up” – That’s brilliant! All of these are brilliant, so cutting in a smart, refined way. Insulting with class, I love it 😂
    Caz x

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