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Any of these sound familiar?

February 8, 2017
As I get older I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.
Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.
I don’t need anger management.  I need people to stop pissing me off.
My people skills are fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
The biggest lie I tell myself is, “You don’t need to write that down, you’ll remember it”.
When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment, now it’s like a mini vacation.
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
“Getting lucky”, means walking into a room and remembering why I’m there. 
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