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Jewish & Italian Mothers

October 23, 2015

JEWISH MOTHER

The year is 2020 and the United States has elected the first woman as
well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb. She calls up her mother
a few weeks after Election Day and says, “So, Mom, I assume you’ll be
coming to my inauguration?”;
“I don’t think so. It’s a ten hour drive, your father isn’t as young
as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.”
“Don’t worry about it Mom, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and
take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.”;
“I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmaltzy, what on earth
would I wear?”
Susan replies, “I’ll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by
the best designer in New York .”
“Honey,” Mom complains, “you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and
your friends like to eat.”;
The President-to-be responds, “Don’t worry Mom. The entire affair is
going to be handled by the best caterer in New York , kosher all the way.
Mom, I really want you to come.”;
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2021, Susan Goldfarb is
being sworn in as President of the United States . In the front row sits the
new President’s mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and
says, “You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming
President of the United States ??”
The Senator whispers back, “Yes I do.”
Mom says proudly, “Her brother is a doctor.

ITALIAN MOTHER

Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is
going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Mama, I’m going to bring over
three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother
agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, sits them
down on the couch & they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Mama, guess
which one I’m going to marry?”
Mama says immediately, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Mama. You’re right. How did you know?”;
Mama replies: “I don’t like her.
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From → J

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