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Nagging Thoughts – 2

April 9, 2015
17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have “Schiffer Brains.”
18. No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” when their team is winning.
19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
21. Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
22. Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
24. Snowmen fall from Heaven un-assembled.
25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been!
26. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
27. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
28. When I was young, we used to go “skinny dipping.” Now I just go “chunky dunking.”
29. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place.
30. Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press “Ctrl Alt Delete and start all over?
31. Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
32. Wouldn’t you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
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From → N

One Comment
  1. Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.

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