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Shoulda Said

March 27, 2015
This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. ”Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?”
”Dogs can’t talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I’ll give you a drink. If not, you’re going to get a beating.”
”Okay,” says the guy. He turns to his dog. ”Okay, fella. Tell me — what is on top of a house?”
”Roof!” The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
”THAT ain’t talking! Any dog can bark!”
”Okay, boy. Tell me — how does sandpaper feel?”
”Ruff!”
”What the heck you tryin’ to pull, mister?”
”Okay, okay,” says the man. “One more question, please. Okay, buddy, tell me — who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?”
“Ruth.”
The bartender beats the heck out of the guy and throws him onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.
“Wow. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”
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