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Some of you are too young to understand some of these thoughts

January 14, 2015
  1. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
  2. I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.
  3. I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off.
  4. Old age is coming at a really bad time.
  5. The biggest lie I tell myself is … “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
  6. Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap.
  7. I don’t have gray hair. I have ‘wisdom highlights’. I’m very wise.
  8. My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance for idiots that needs work.
  9. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
  10. I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.
  11. duct tape can’t fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound.
  12. Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
  13. Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

From → S

  1. KPhillips permalink

    I have a hard time picking my favorite from this list. I like so many of them! Thanks for the laugh.

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