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These are Funny!

September 17, 2014

* I’m not saying let’s go ”remove” all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

* I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

* You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she’s probably angry.

* Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

* You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

* I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.

* I didn’t make it to the gym again today. That makes five years in a row.

* I decided to change calling the bathroom the ‘John’ and renamed it the ‘Jim.’ I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

* Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: if you find one, what’s your plan?

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