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Laughs for today – 1

September 11, 2014
I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine; I take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts;
I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.  Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my Florida driver’s license.
~ ~ ~
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.  I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.  I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour..
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
~ ~ ~
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.  First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walt-Mart.  “Walt-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Walt-Mart?”
“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”
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