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Jewish Humor – 3

May 20, 2014
You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days — Shecky Green,Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? Not one single swear word in their comedy.
A man called his mother in Florida, ‘Mom, how are you?’
‘Not too good,’ said the mother. ‘I’ve been very weak.’
The son said, ‘Why are you so weak?’
She said, ‘Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.’
The son said, ‘That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?’
The mother answered, ‘Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.’
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, ‘What part is it?’
The boy says, ‘I play the part of the Jewish husband..’
The mother scowls and says, ‘Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.’
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:(Sigh) ‘Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.’
Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat.
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, ‘Lady I haven’t eaten in three days.’
‘Force yourself,’ she replied.
Q : What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don’t like anything that isn’t 50% off.

 

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