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Things you should think about before saying……….. – 1

April 25, 2014
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!

 

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

 

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year!
You’d better stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”

 

Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It’s great though.
It provides me with everything I need – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot..”

 

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries.

 

A man calls 911 and says “I think my wife is dead”. The operator says, “How do you know?” He says “The sex is about the same,
but the ironing is piling up!”
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From → T

5 Comments
  1. Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.

  2. Myrna permalink

    Really?, James. The ironing is piling up…Really?…Spoiled our 10th Anniversary…Where does these craziness come from?

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