Skip to content

A True Story

A young man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is at the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to swing when he hears, “Ribbit. 9- Iron”.
The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. “Ribbit. 9-Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts his other club away, and grabs a 9-iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked!  He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?” The frog replies “Ribbit. Lucky frog.”
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks. “Ribbit. 3-wood.”  The guy takes out a 3-wood, and boom! A hole in one.  The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day, the man has golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?” The frog replies, “Ribbit. Las Vegas.”
las vegas
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says, “Ribbit. Roulette.”  Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Ribbit. $3000,black 6.” Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the young man figures what the heck. Boom – tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve helped me to win all this money and I am forever grateful.” The frog replies, “Ribbit, Kiss Me.”  He figures, Why not? After all the frog did for him, it is a small price to pay. With the kiss, however, the frog turns into a gorgeous 28-year-old young woman.

“And that, sir, is exactly how your wife ended up in my room.”

Image

DEPLORABLES

forjamesdeplorables1

Minimally Invasive Total Knee Replacement

I am taking time off for:
Minimally Invasive Total Knee Replacement, in both knees.
I will tell you all about my experience.

.

!!!!!QuadsparingKneeReplace1

.

__________________________________________

Are You Sure He’s Mine?

Walter and Linda were a middle aged couple blessed with two beautiful daughters.

Although they felt incredibly lucky for having their girls, Walter and Linda always yearned for a boy.
They began trying for another baby, and it wasn’t long before Linda became pregnant.
Nine months later, they welcomed a baby boy into the world.

Walter was at work when his wife was rushed to hospital, so he got there as quickly as he could.
To his horror, his son was absolutely hideous, especially when considering how beautiful his daughters were.
“How can I possibly be the father of that ugly baby?” he exclaimed to his wife. “It’s just not possible that I fathered him after we had those two beautiful girls.”
Linda blushed, which made him suspicious. “Have you been fooling around behind my back?” he asked.
“Not this time, honey.”

The Memorial

A man named Bill died. In his will, he asked for an elaborate funeral and his will allocated $100,000 dollars to cover its expenses.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Nancy turned to her oldest and dearest friend.
“Ah well, Bill would be pleased,” she said.
“You’re right,” replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
“So go on, how much did this really cost?'”
“All of it,” said Nancy. “One hundred thousand.”
“Oh no!!” Mary exclaimed, “I mean, it was very grand, but $100,000?!!”
Nancy answered, “Well the funeral was $12,000. I donated $1,500 to church. The whisky, wine and snacks were another $1,500… and the rest went for the Memorial Stone.”
Mary computed quickly.
“For the love of G-d Nancy, $85,000 for a Memorial Stone?
HOW BIG IS IT?”
So Nancy showed her…
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Big diamond

I’m Sorry, Those Weren’t For You!

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: “Rest in Peace.”

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied:

“Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this – somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying:
‘Congratulations on your new location!'”

G-d and Adam

G-D said: “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “
“Gladly, Lord,”” replied Adam. ““What do you want me to do?”
” Go down into the valley.” “
“What’’s a valley?”” asked Adam.
G-d explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “
“What’’s a river?”
G-d explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “
What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other adam jokeside of the hill, you will find a cave.” “
“What’’s a cave?””
After G-d explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”
Adam asked, ““What’’s a woman?”” So G-d explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.”
“”How do I do that?””
“Jeez,” G-d muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and says: “Lord…
…“What’’s a headache?””