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Minimally Invasive Total Knee Replacement

I am taking time off for:
Minimally Invasive Total Knee Replacement, in both knees.
I will tell you all about my experience.





Are You Sure He’s Mine?

Walter and Linda were a middle aged couple blessed with two beautiful daughters.

Although they felt incredibly lucky for having their girls, Walter and Linda always yearned for a boy.
They began trying for another baby, and it wasn’t long before Linda became pregnant.
Nine months later, they welcomed a baby boy into the world.

Walter was at work when his wife was rushed to hospital, so he got there as quickly as he could.
To his horror, his son was absolutely hideous, especially when considering how beautiful his daughters were.
“How can I possibly be the father of that ugly baby?” he exclaimed to his wife. “It’s just not possible that I fathered him after we had those two beautiful girls.”
Linda blushed, which made him suspicious. “Have you been fooling around behind my back?” he asked.
“Not this time, honey.”

The Memorial

A man named Bill died. In his will, he asked for an elaborate funeral and his will allocated $100,000 dollars to cover its expenses.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Nancy turned to her oldest and dearest friend.
“Ah well, Bill would be pleased,” she said.
“You’re right,” replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
“So go on, how much did this really cost?'”
“All of it,” said Nancy. “One hundred thousand.”
“Oh no!!” Mary exclaimed, “I mean, it was very grand, but $100,000?!!”
Nancy answered, “Well the funeral was $12,000. I donated $1,500 to church. The whisky, wine and snacks were another $1,500… and the rest went for the Memorial Stone.”
Mary computed quickly.
“For the love of G-d Nancy, $85,000 for a Memorial Stone?
So Nancy showed her…
Big diamond

I’m Sorry, Those Weren’t For You!

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, which said: “Rest in Peace.”

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied:

“Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this – somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying:
‘Congratulations on your new location!'”

G-d and Adam

G-D said: “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “
“Gladly, Lord,”” replied Adam. ““What do you want me to do?”
” Go down into the valley.” “
“What’’s a valley?”” asked Adam.
G-d explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “
“What’’s a river?”
G-d explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “
What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other adam jokeside of the hill, you will find a cave.” “
“What’’s a cave?””
After G-d explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.”
Adam asked, ““What’’s a woman?”” So G-d explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.”
“”How do I do that?””
“Jeez,” G-d muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and says: “Lord…
…“What’’s a headache?””

No One Gets Humor Like a Senior – 2

old age comics

On the Deathbed

Nearing the end, old Ed is surrounded by his loved ones. As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, ”I must tell you my greatest secret.”
His family members are all ears, and urge him to go on.
old man joke
”Before I got married, I had it all,” explains Ed. ”Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, ‘Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no-one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you’re on your deathbed.’
So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds. And now here we are. And you know what?”
”What?” Whisper the fascinated members of his family.
”I’m not even thirsty!”

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