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The way women think

Husband’s Text Message to wife:
Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays. Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches. I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of the right foot is a possibility. Love you…
Wife’s Response:

Who is Paula?

Smart ass

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in
their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store’s
merchandise wasn’t in — only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, “I’ll bet that any minute now some senior is
going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re
selling.”
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up
to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then
in a loud voice asked, “What are you selling here?”
One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling ass-holes.”
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, “You must be doing well.
Only two left.”
Seniors — don’t mess with them. They didn’t get old by being stupid!

The Haemophiliac

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up.
“Any specific problems you should tell me about?” the doctor asked.
“Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours.” she replied. “Do you think I might be a haemophiliac?”
“Well,” the doctor answered, “Haemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a haemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?”
After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, “Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess.”

In Bad Shape

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’
‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband.   ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’

Their Obsession

A renowned psychologist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their little children.
After a few hours of talking and analyzing their words and beahvior, he said: “I believe that you all suffer from some obsession.” He remarked.
therapy
 
He turned to the first mother and said, “You obviously have an obsession with food. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second Mom. “Your obsession is money. And it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny,”
He turned to the third Mom. “Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go”.

Divorce Court

divorce, joke
‘Divorce Court': ‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,’
‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’

Wine or Water? You will thank me for this one

A glass of wine

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don’t and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand:

As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) – bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually.

However,

We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of Sh*t.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service

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