Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
“This,” she said, “I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?”
“No, madam,” replied the attendant. “That one’s called a mirror.”
A high school history teacher was discussing the funeral of Pope John Paul II with his class. One student asked how they chose the new pope.
The teacher explained the process, finishing with, “So the cardinals pick him.”
A student in the back of class, asked, very seriously, “Why would they let a baseball team pick the next pope?”
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director was in urgent need of looking for a replacement.
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position..
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, “It’s red wine, a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.”
“That’s correct”, said the boss.
“It’s red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels.”
A third glass.
”It’s Champagne, high grade and exclusive” calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.
And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll name the father!”
Originally posted on Oyia Brown:
Bob, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.
“What happened to you?” asked his wife.
“I had a terrible day.” replied Bob . “I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn’t get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.
Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.
So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half.”
“I see” said his wife, “that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?”
Bob replied: ” Wrong room .”