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Whose Is It?

One Monday morning the postman was walking through the neighborhood on his usual route delivering the mail. As he approached one of the homes, he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.
His wonder was cut short by Craig, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.
‘Wow Craig, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,’ the Postman commented.
post van
Craig, in obvious pain, replied, ‘Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?’
The Postman thought for a moment and said, ‘How do you play WHO AM I?’
‘Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the ‘family jewels’ showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is..’
The postman laughed and said, ‘Sounds like fun, I’m sorry I missed it.’
‘Probably a good thing you did,’ Craig responded, ‘Your name came up seven times.’
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With Great Age Comes Great Humor – 1

!!!!!With Great Age Comes Great Humor - 1

I Bet You I Can Reach That Glass!

A man walks into a bar and says to the barman: “You see that glass at the other end of the bar? I bet you $100 that I can pee in it from over here.”

The barman agrees to the bet, so the man begins to urinate all over the bar, its patrons and even the barman himself – basically everywhere except in the glass.
“Ha!” says the barman. “You owe me $100!”
“Wait here,” the man replies, and he walks over to the pool table. Someone hands him some money and they have a laugh together.
The man walks back over to the barman and hands him $100.
“Thanks,” the barman says, “but what were you laughing about with that dude over there?”
The man replies: “Oh, nothing. I just bet him $1000 that I could pee all over your bar, including on you, and you’d still be smiling at the end of it.”

This Horse Responds to Some Weird Commands!

A man named Jack strides into John’s Stable looking to buy a horse.
“Listen here,” says John, the owner. “I’ve got just the horse you’re looking for. The only thing is he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t stop and go the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to yell ‘heyhey!’, and the way to get him to go is by yelling ‘Thank God!'”
Jim nodded his head.
“Fine with me. Can I take him for a test run?”
John agrees. A few minutes later, Jim is having the time of his life, thinking to himself that the horse sure could run fast. As he speeds down a dirt road, he panics as he realizes there’s a cliff-edge fast approaching.
“Stop!” screams Jim, to no avail.
He remembers what he has to say to make the horse stop just five feet from the edge and yells: “HEYHEY!”
The horse skids to a halt, with just an inch to spare before a sheer drop of hundreds of feet.
Gasping, Jim looks over the cliff-edge in disbelief at his good fortune.
He looks up to the sky, raises his hands in the air and breathes a deep sigh of relief. With conviction, he says: “Thank God!”

Turning a Nice Profit While Flying

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, “All you have to do is ask a question and if I get it wrong or don’t know, I’ll give you five dollars, then I ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars.”
“No,” she says. “I just want to sleep.”
He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says he will pay her 500 dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.
“What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” he asks.
She gives him 5 dollars. “What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?” she asks.
He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn’t got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her: “So what is the answer?”
She hands him 5 dollars.

Cool things I didn’t know – 2

7. Q: Why are people in the public eye said to be ‘in the limelight’?
A: Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and stage lighting by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, performers on stage ‘in the limelight’ were seen by the audience to be the center of attention.
8. Q: Why do ships and aircraft in trouble use ‘mayday’ as their call for help?
A: This comes from the French word m’aidez – meaning ‘help me’ and is pronounced ‘mayday.’
9. Q: Why is someone who is feeling great ‘on cloud nine’?
A: Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.
10. Q: Why are zero scores in tennis called ‘love’?
A: In France , where tennis first became popular, a big, round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called ‘l’oeuf,’ which is French for ‘egg.’ When tennis was introduced in the US , Americans pronounced it ‘love.’
11. Q: In golf, where did the term ‘Caddie’ come from?
A. When Mary, later Queen of Scots, went to France as a young girl (for education & survival), Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scot game ‘golf.’ So he had the first golf course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced ‘ca-day’ and the Scots changed it into ‘caddie.’

Cool things I didn’t know – 1

1. Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?
A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called ‘pygg’.. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as ‘pygg banks.’ When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a bank that resembled a pig. And it caught on.
2. Q: Did you ever wonder why dimes, quarters and half dollars have notches, while pennies and nickels do not?
A: The US Mint began putting notches on the edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage holders from shaving off small quantities of the precious metals. Dimes, quarters and half dollars are notched because they used to contain silver. Pennies and nickels aren’t notched because the metals they contain are not valuable enough to shave.
3. Q: Why do men’s clothes have buttons on the right while women’s clothes have buttons on the left?
A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid’s right! Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. And that’s where women’s buttons have remained since.
4. Q. Why do X’s at the end of a letter signify kisses?
A: In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.
5. Q: Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called ‘passing the buck’?
A: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility, he would ‘pass the buck’ to the next player.
6. Q: Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?
A: It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would then just touch or clink the host’s glass with his own.
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